Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Autumn blues

Yesterday we almost had summer temperatures. And we had a blue sky and sunshine. Today it's dark, gloomy, rainy and just autumnlike. At its worst. I'm not prepared for fall yet... It feels like I didn't even had a summer this year.

When I was younger, I used to love fall. In high school I wrote a whole essay on my love for fall. How I loved being able to sit inside reading without feeling the guilt of having to be out enjoying the weather. How I loved the changing colours, the beauty of nature. How I looked forward to my birthday.

Now? I look outside and hate it. The darkness and dampness is really getting to me. I'm sick and tired of rain. I hate the wind getting in through all my layers of clothing. No matter how many layers I wear. Getting up when it's pitch dark outside is just torture.

And we're just in the beginning of it all. It's not even October yet. Checking my calender I realize that it'll just keep on getting darker and darker for the next three months. Mid-December I'll be biking to work in darkness and biking home in darkness. I'll have something like 5 hours of daylight... And it'll be cold and damp. More winds. More precipitation. Slush. Greyness. Dirt. I hate winters in the south of Sweden. More than once, I've asked myself why I live here...

Do we need more sunshine as we get older? Or at least, less rain and wind?

I'm sitting here longing to be somewhere else. I want to be in a place where I don't have a new colleague in the room above mine, shuffling around on his wheeled desk chair, making unfamiliar noises that disturb me. I want to be in a city where boyfriend and I can find a decent priced house. I want to be in a country where the sun shines a bit more than it does here. And where the temperatures are a bit warmer. I want to be in a Saturday and not a Tuesday.

But overall, looking at the bigger picture, I guess I'm sort of happy where I am. I like my job. Most of my colleagues are nice. I live close to my parents and my sister. I have friends not too far away. I can use my bike every day. I live in a country where death penalty is non-existent. I can speak my mind and I get to vote every fourth year. My country hasn't been in war in centuries. The water we get from our taps every day is among the best waters in the world when it comes to taste and quality. I get five weeks of vacation every year. We don't pay tuition in University. I live with a man I love. And cats I adore. I'm going to be an aunt next year. I get to knit almost every day and feel good about being creative. I can get both Häagen Dazs and Ben&Jerry's in my grocery store.

What more can I ask for? Really?


angelia said...

Hej Anna! I'm sorry you have the winter blues already, even though it's not winter yet! Have you tried turning on all the lights in the house (or at least in whatever room you're in)? I find it helps when the dreary days start to get to me. :kram: :kram: :kram: sweetie!

Geek Knitter said...

I'm so sorry you have the blues already. My DH gets them sometimes too, but a bit later in the year. I think I'll get him a full-spectrum lamp this year. I enjoyed the list of things you like about your country, but I don't think that just a little more sun is too much to wish for. Thinking of you!

essjay said...

You are going to be an Aunt???? Congratulations!!!!

Fall season has always been one of my favorites - but only when it is sunny and cool & crisp. Constant dampness gets me too and the darkness and cold of winter drags me so far down.

Sending hugs & sunlight (not that we have any here).

Dilly said...

I'm going to be experiencing a wet and dreary winter this year, instead of a cold but sunny East Coast winter. It is going to be a new experience for me. But like you said, Ben&Jerry's and Häagen Dazs will help get us through the winter. We'll survive. :kram:

Anna said...

Thanks for your encouragement, girls! :kram:

crrly said...

Hm, vi som flyttade till Skåne för att slippa snö! Det är _nästan_ så att vi har ångrat oss de senaste åren. Fast förra året kunde Patrick vindsurfa under alla årstider, så han är väl lycklig. Det kanske vore något för dig, för att lära dig att uppskatta regn och blåst?! KRAM.