Creativity: Hello!

So, I decided to force myself out of the non-creative state I was in. In the last week I have:

- finished all the sewing on my first Roman shade (=hissgardin in Swedish) for the living room/dining area. Our living room/dining area gets ridiculously warm in the summer and last spring I started an attempt at making Roman shades for our big windows. I stumbled on the first one when I realized I had made a mistake when trying to figure out how to construct the shades. I also had problems placing the channels for dowels without having to measure a thousand times for each... Anyways, I got it all sorted out last week and now I "only" have four more shades to go! (Luckily, two of them have the same measurements as the first one so they'll be quicker to make.)

- started to knit a cosy hat for myself in yarn from Araucania. 5 times. Yes, I'm on my fifth attempt to get a hat to fit my head without the yarn pooling... I think I'm on track this time around. The yarn is a mix of greens and browns and is definately more subtle when knit than in the hank. This made my boyfriend happy...

- started a Citron shawl. Like everyone else. I blame my start on the three or four women working on Citrons at knit night last week. I realized a ton of stockinette would do wonders to my tired brain and my frustration with not producing anything. I'm using blueish-turquoise lace weight wool from Handpainted yarns. The yarn comes from a yarn swap with friends. (Did you know that citron is lemon in Swedish?)

~~~~~

My online Creative Writing-class officially started today. I logged on this weekend and found our first assignment; write a text in which you introduce yourself through the eyes of a neighbour (real or made up). The neighbour is the I in the story. A kiss or a crime has to be included and you should use approximately 2,500 characters (including blanks).

We have until next Friday but I thought I'd at least make a start yesterday. After an hour I still had nothing I wanted to save. I shut down the computer and casted on for Citron... Instant gratifiction.

One of my anxieties when it comes to this class is the fact that we will write and make our texts public. Or sort of public at least. They will be read by others. They will be critiqued by both students and teachers. My texts will be graded. Performance anxiety: Hello!

Countdown

My boyfriend and I celebrate 5 years together in March.

Yesterday I called a spa and made reservations for a night. We're going to spend a ridiculous amount of money for 24 hours in heaven. Or at least on the west coast of Sweden.

We're booked in their spa suite which means that we'll have a comfy bed in a room with a view over the sea. We'll have a luxurious bath tub for two. We'll be greeted with sparkling wine and strawberries in our room as well as a basket of spa treatment "stuff" to use in the bath or take home. We'll spend 1½ hour in treatment together (herbal bath, pedicure and massage). We'll eat a 3-course dinner at night and wake up to a breakfast buffet. We'll be able to eat from the lunchbuffet before we go home. We'll have unlimited access to different pools (of varoius temperature) and saunas and excercise facilities. We can sign up for classes like yoga, qi gong, box, spinning or whatever.

Something tells me we'll be taking it slow though. And spend a lot of time in the water.

The countdown has started!

Not very creative...

Time flies. And I feel frustrated with how little time and energy I have for making something creative.

Work has been busy since coming back from my vacation. I thought things would calm down over Christmas, but I was wrong. One of my big projects is in an important phase and it makes my phone ring a lot and my email count to rise. And most people contacting me are upset. Or sad. Or angry. Or frustrated. Or mean.

Usually I can leave work stuff at work and focus on other things when I'm home. But it's hard now. I can't relax like I usually can. I can't shut down my brain when it starts to spin with thoughts on how to deal with the phone calls, or how to reply to a certain email, or how to prepare for yet another meeting, or...

I just don't feel comfortable knowing that my work tasks and my project is upsetting people and making things difficult for families. 'Cause it is. But on the other hand, it's also helping 55,000 people on the receiving end.

These last two weeks I've spent my evenings watching tv, working a bit on my writing project, sleeping (or some evenings and nights; trying to sleep), cuddling with cats and playing boardgames with my boyfriend. I've searched the Internet to find something exciting to knit. I've gone through all my pattern books and I've looked through my stash numerous times, trying to get inspired to work on something. But nah. It hasn't worked.

I'm trying not to feel stressed out about it - I don't need the added stress to my life right now - but it's hard to accept that I'm not using my time to be creative.

I'll let you know when things change.

So here is 2010...

Taking a walk around Blogland during the shift from 2009 to 2010 leaves me reading numerous posts on Holiday celebration recaps, different kinds of summaries of 2009 and ambitiously formed resolutions and goals for 2010.

If I were to write about my Holiday celebrations I'd mention the fancy iron I got from my parents and how it makes ironing shirts almost - note the almost - a pure pleasure. I'd mention how much I enjoy the company of my family and relatives on my mother's side. I'd mention the fact that I got to celebrate a white Christmas as we had snow on the ground!

If I were to summarize my 2009, I'd probably mention a couple of knitting and sewing projects I've made. I'd mention my two major vacation trips; Canada and the US in February/March as well as Italy in September/October. I'd mention changes at work. I'd maybe mention my cats and their adventures.

But my thoughts aren't in 2009. Nor 2010.

I've started yet another attempt at tackling The Writing Project. And yes, it's "tackling". It's tough. I'm doing things a bit differently this time around though. My research is different. The choice of format for my words is different. And I'm bringing back memories differently as well. In the last six weeks or so I've spent time every day with diaries and letters and emails I wrote (and received) from 2001 to mid-2004.

It exhausts me as this period of my life was much like an emotional roller coaster.

But I find it necessary as I during these years spent a lot of time reflecting on the aspects of my life that I'm focusing on in my Writing Project. 'Cause yes, I'm using my own experiences here.

And if I were to make resolutions and goals for 2010, like so many others in Blogland have done, I'd either end up with a list too long or too short to take seriously. I know myself well enough to recognize that...

Vacation

I'm officially on vacation now! I have 12 days without going to work ahead of me. I won't return to my office until January 4th, 2010!!!

I soooo deserve time off!

Deciding which writing class to attend

Remember me talking about applying to writing classes at the University? Well, anyways, I applied to three completely different classes as I couldn't make my mind up about which one I really wanted to take part in.

I got accepted to all three.

And now I've had to think it all trough to decide which one to actually attend. As always, when making big decisions, I started to make lists of pros and cons. Here are the three lists:

1. 50% course in Creative Writing. In English. Choice of being a student online or on campus.
+ Seriously interesting syllabus. Covers a whole lot of things and aspects.
+ The choice of whether I want to take the class online or on campus.
+ Getting even more practise in writing in English and the opportunity to make real progress.
- A lot of work and many hours. I would prefer a 25% class as I'm going to keep working full-time.
- The risk of being surrounded by people who might make me question my abilities in English.

2. 25% course in Writing in different genres. In Swedish. Classes on campus.
+ The 25% (which means a workload of approximately 5 hours per week)
+ A versatile syllabus that hopefully would leave me with skills that I can use both professionally and in my own private writing.
+ Taking it as a class on campus will make it "real".
+ It's in Swedish which will force me to write more in Swedish outside of work.
- Not geared towards creative writing and might end up dull and stiff (might feel like work work instead of fun work)
- The reading list is loooong and getting the text books will be expensive.

3. 25% course in Creative Writing. In Swedish. All online.
+ It's a creative writing class!
+ The 25% (which means a workload of approximately 5 hours per week)
+ It's in Swedish which will force me to write more in Swedish outside of work.
+ It will give me some "anonymity" as it's online and that might make it easier to write and critique the texts of the others.
- It's all online and it might be veeery hard for me to commit.

I decided to go with number 3. To see if classes in creative writing is anything for me. If they are, I can apply to another one for fall. And if they aren't but I still want to write, I can try the middle class.

This class will give me university credits and my work will be graded. I hope this will turn into a motivation factor instead of a stress factor...

Wish me luck!

Highlights (5)

Highlights from this past weekend (December 11th - December 13th, 2009)


* The feeling of satisfaction as I got coming out of the grocery store (with everything I needed!) at 8.20am on Saturday.

* The blue sky and bright day we had as we biked into town.

* Hearing my sister's choir sing some Christmas songs.

* Having a friend/colleague and her daughter over for dinner on Saturday night. I made parmesan cheese pie with parma ham salad on the side. Delicious! We had Ben&Jerry's for dessert. Delicious as well!

* Being able to show pictures from our vacation in Tuscany on our flat screen TV. We laugh at ourselves everytime we connect our MacBook to the TV as we can't help feeling excited over being so modern...

* The two hours of watching a movie after the guests had gone home and boyfriend had gone to bed. I had Skorpan on my lap and JumJum right next to me the whole time. (Not wanting to move Skorpan when he was sleeping made me sit through the sappy and awful ending of Stepmom. The ending makes me want to puke...)

* Sleeping in on Sunday and not dragging myself out of bed until 11am.

* Being able to stay from fainting when cleaning out greenish-grey puss and skin from a scratch-wound on my right knee-cap. (I stumbled and fell at work on Friday. Tore my jeans open...)

* Knitting three rounds on my sister's Anemoi Mittens!

She hasn't been knitting...

I haven't knit a stitch in 10 days. I've looked at the two projects I'm supposed to be working on, but that's it. No knitting.

I have a deadline for my sister's Anemoi Mittens and it's only 14 days away. There's no way I'll be able to finish the pair up by then. If I get the first mitten done I'll be super proud of myself. I've knit about 10 rows passed the thumb gusset, but there's still at least another 20 rows left to knit before starting the decreases for the top and then the whole thumb. Knitting stranded takes time for me. And I'm not in love with the final product. The pattern isn't as clear as I'd like it to be...

And then I have my German Stockings. Some time a couple of weeks ago I thought I'd aim for having the pair done by Christmas. I'd love to wear them on Christmas Eve. But that won't happen. I've reached the easy part of them, working on the leg, but I don't have enough time. Knee socks have a long leg part...

So, why haven't I been knitting lately? Despite deadlines. Well, I wish I could tell you I'd done a million other exciting things instead, but sadly, I've just been too tired. Too tired. November was awful at work and December isn't much better. When I've come home in the evenings I've just crashed. The last two nights I've fallen asleep on the couch before 21/9pm. And that has been after severe struggle to keep my eyelids open fo quite some time.

The thought of knitting something that requires me to look at charts (as Anemoi Mittens and German Stockings do) has been too overwhelming. And knowing myself, I know that even the smallest mistake would leave me swearing in tears. I'm not a charming person when I'm tired. So, for the sake of my own, and my boyfriend's, sanity, I've kept from knitting.

It feels strange though. I haven't particularly missed it.

Maybe 'cause I've been creative in other ways? I'll tell you more about it some other time, but it involves trips down Memory Lane, a MacBook and the software Scrivener...

Anna goes grocery shopping on a Sunday

I went grocery shopping earlier today. Boyfriend and I had decided to make potato gratin with some meat to it. I wrote my shopping list and took the car to the grocery store.

Half an hour later I was home again. Proud of myself for making it so quickly. And then boyfriend asked for the potatoes...

I'd gone to the store to get things for a potato gratin. And forgot the potatoes.

And... The thing is that I made the exact same thing five weekends ago... Just like last time, I got on my bike and got potatoes from the corner store...

~~~~~

A nice thing happened at the big grocery store though. I was just stepping out of the revolving doors when the woman behind me complimented me on my Sylvi; she said I was wearing an extraordinary cardigan. I turned around and thanked her for telling me. She asked me where I had got it and I told her I had knitted it myself from a pattern I had bought online. The short and round 60-year-old woman looked impressed and went on to tell me that she thought the cardigan suited me perfectly as I was so tall. I couldn't help but grin as a fool when I thanked her again.

I'm really glad I finished my Sylvi. She was worth the tears.

Random Friday (nr 2)

1. My hectic weeks at work are sort of over. I say "sort of" as I have a lot of catching up to do with everything I couldn't handle during these last three weeks. The email count in my inbox is ridiculous. I try to make sure it's empty when I leave for the day but right now I have 239 emails to take care of...

The pile in which I keep notes for myself until I sit down and organize everything is tilted to one side, looking like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. If I put another note on top, the pile will for sure crash to the desk...

2. To celebrate surviving these last three weeks, my boyfriend and I are going to the movies tonight! And that's the third time this year we're going to the movies.!! Shocking! My boyfriend is not a fan of going to the cinema. He prefers seeing movies at home, lying on the couch, being able to get away from it if it's not good... Well, anyways, when I heard that they were turning Stieg Larsson's Millennium-triology into movies, I made my boyfriend promise to go see all three movies with me. In the theatre. He promised. And then found out that all three would premier the same year. :)

3. Have you seen Sew, Mama, Sew's Giveaway Day this year? You can see all the participants here, here and here. Most of the Giveaways are open 'til Sunday, December 6th.

4. Thinking about paying for and downloading Scrivener.