Friday, September 21, 2007

A Wednesday night in a hotel

When I woke up this morning I had a clear picture of what this post would be about. I even knew some of the sentences in it. Sitting here now trying to get the thoughts out, I just find myself stumbling. I can't make my words behave the the way I want them to. My sentences get too long. And too complicated. My English vocabulary feels inadequate. (More than usual.) I get lost trying to get to my point and I don't seem to be able to get back on track.

It was supposed to be a post about how difficult it is to feel alone when being with people. I've had some time to reflect on this the last couple of days. I spent Wednesday night in a hotel room, eating chocolate cake for dinner, taking a bath and reading one of the books from my parents' storage, before settling in on my bed, watching TV and knitting. While colleagues of mine were out having dinner together. Enjoying themselves in groups.

I didn't mind terribly, to be honest. But it hurt a bit. I was forgotten. Or maybe not "forgotten" but more "left over" as everyone seemed to think that someone else had included in me in their plans. When I came out of my last seminar everyone had already left. And I didn't have any of their numbers in my cell phone.

So after a walk around the city (and purchase of two small hanks of organic cotton and four skeins of some mohair yarn I have forgotten the name of), I ended up in my hotel room. With feet soaked from the rain and from wearing shoes that aren't water tight. With chocolate cake in a brown paper bag and a knitting project waiting for me in my packing.

1 comment:

essjay said...

It is so hard to be forgotten. I often feel lonely in large groups but that is because I'm not social - I struggle with small talk and don't enjoy going to a bar and such. I'm glad that you were able to have a relaxing evening at the hotel but am saddened for the reason you were forced to have it! Kram!