Monday, March 10, 2008

What could have been...

I find myself thinking about things that have been. Things that happened and things that didn't. People I felt close to and now know nothing about. Dreams that disappeared.

I don't know where it's coming from. This past week I have seen things on TV, in the park or in the store that have transported me back to then. Heard songs, voices or jokes that have had the same affect. I've prepared food in the kitchen and been zapped back to then and there.

It used to be anger and hurt. When I found myself back in then. Now it's more... Sadness? Curiosity? Relief? I don't really know. But I know it doesn't hurt anymore. Not as it used to. And I'm not angry. I've given that up.

There are still a thousand questions I'll never get answered, but I'm okey with that. I've grown. And I've come to realize that some things just don't work out for a reason. Some things aren't meant to be. And that's okey.

My life could have been different. But I'm glad it isn't. I'm better suited for the life I live now. A life without much drama, difficulties and trustissues. I actually function quite well with "normal" people. Much better than I thought.

And I wouldn't change my life for the world.

Especially not now when my head fills up with thoughts of what could have been.


essjay said...

:kram: There are always those thoughts of what could have been and they are tough some times.

Geek Knitter said...

I had a similar phase in my life a couple of years ago. A lot of wondering, some wistfulness, and a lot of relief. I'm happy with this life that I have, much happier with that life I might have had. But I still wonder sometimes too.

Shelley said...

No matter what, the best is yet to come!